” He doesn’t answer. “I’m freezing.” He remains silent. I sigh. “I’m going home. It’s almost midnight and I’m tired.” “Don’t,” he finally says. “Please don’t leave. I don’t want to be alone.” He sounds vulnerable when he says this. “But I’m tired. And it’s cold. I have very dry skin, especially around my hands. See?” I show him my hands. “The coldness makes them dry and brittle.” “You should wear gloves,” he says absently. At the risk of annoying him, I hum, “Baby It’s Cold Outside.” “Cut it. " That's what Mom used to tell me. "You're not fat. You've got big bones."Well, it worked for a while, I guess, until I got a little older and saw I was plain heavy. Not fat, no, but definitely heavy. I felt my hips, the little roll above, over to my tummy and down. I tensed my abs. They were there, even if you couldn't see them in the mirror. I moved my legs apart, feet still on the bench, and let my hands find their own separate ways to my thighs and back up. And back down, circling, until. Annayya ala anagane naaku marintha kasekkindi. Daanni marintha biginchi pisukuthoo naa naluka kosa tho dani hole ni tickle chestoo, kinda maro chetto thana vottakayalni (testis) stir chestunnanu.Annayya ki, modda ada dani notlo unte ela untundo thelisindi. Thana life lo fist time blow job adi kooda sontha chelleli tho thanaku ayi pothunnapudalla, nenu thana danni, naa notlonchi thesesthunanu.Thana lo excitement thagga gane malli notlo petu kuntunnanu. Papam annayya ika agaleka poyadu.Blop blop. .”“Why? Because he’s dead?”“Yeah, I’d say my child dying is evidence I didn’t do everything I could!”Carol sighed.“Answer the question for me, then. If I was in your place and you in mine, did I do all that I could? If your arguments were coming out of my mouth, what would you say to me?”They sat in silence for a few moments.“Carol, I’d tell you no one, except the bastards who traumatized him, is responsible for Yuri’s death. I’d tell you to quit hurting yourself, to stop feeling guilty for not.
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